Lose Control, Alt, Delete

The last three and a half years of my business have been the most confusing of the 14 years I've been self employed. In March 2013 I lost control big time when I was struck down with cancer suddenly which in turn saw me shut down the business straight away, or so I thought.
In the confusion, of which there was plenty, I thought I'd spoken to HMRC and closed Missfit Creations, when my self assessment arrived later that year I found out I hadn't. So began the alternating, from self employed to unemployed (I did close Missfit Creations eventually) and then to self employed when I felt able to continue. However, I wasn't well enough so stopped again only to re-emerge a while later as Missfit UK.
It seemed like a good idea at the time, my cancer had led to me pursuing a healthier lifestyle which in turn saw me start yoga and running. As I am pretty good with a needle and thread I made my own fitness gear and so the idea of turning this into a business felt right. I wasn't yet 100% well and decided to add health and fitness accessories to my stock so that I wouldn't be reliant only upon items I made myself, hence dropping 'Creations'.
No matter how I dressed it up, selling lycra running belts and foam rollers didn't excite as much as kitting out a boy band or glitzing up a drag queen.
Then came an opportunity to work with a local yoga studio making leggings and tops, this did interest me and I set about designing and making a few sample pieces. However, I still didn't have the drive that I used to and this worried me. I began doubting my abilities, especially my design and sewing skills - they hadn't been used for over 2 years.
During that time there had been moments when I almost blamed my business for the illness which remains largely unexplained. Had I been working too hard, was it stress? These feelings manifested themselves into a need to rid myself of anything and everything to do with Missfit and at a particularly low moment I hit delete. Gone was my beautiful website, I called to ask for it to be shelved for the foreseeable. No more Facebook page, those 3,800 likes meant nothing anymore and so I deleted it. I continued this wipe out of my beloved business by removing the name from other social media sites I used and making it known that Missfit was no more. It didn't end there, shelves of fabrics were bagged up to be given away, eBayed or even car booted (apart from the lycra and sequins...) The fabric was joined by 100s of sewing patterns and other bits and pieces I no longer felt the need for. The final nail in Missfits coffin was the sale of my remaining stock which was made up of over 600 pieces of vintage clothing and a substantial amount of my own designs. Sold to a shop in Charing Cross, all gone.
Fast forward to the new incarnation of my business, Missfit UK and I'm telling myself it's not much different, lycra leggings are similar to lycra Bowie suits, aren't they? Still something wasn't right and it took another dark day to highlight just what it was.
Since having my kidney removed I'd experienced a lot of pain and so had been prescribed a kind of neuropathic pain killer - one that treats pain triggered by nerve damage. What I hadn't realised was that a side effect of the dose I was on led to feelings of lethargy, I was often so tired and my head was a blur. This drug induced apathy was not conducive to a creative profession. I was struggling to concentrate and work on the new yoga designs was going nowhere fast. I was also waiting on results of my latest ct scan and didn't feel good so in another moment of madness I stopped the drugs.
For over a week I felt awful, like an extended hangover with no tales of drunken fun to show for it, just cold turkey.
Then it happened, as I began to feel better so my head began to clear and the ideas began to flow back. I started sorting through past work images and putting my remaining fabrics in order. The news of an all clear gave me another boost and I realised I had so much left to do.
It's been a few weeks now during which I've begun reintroducing myself to Missfit Creations, the business I loved then lost. I know why I lost control and I understand why I was hesitant to start back up, alternating from one day to another from business to despair. What I still don't get is why I hit delete, why I couldn't have just left things until I could cope. I truly believed that Missfit Creations had to go.
Well now it's back and I'm feeling so much better. I've ended all those odd tasks I've started in the meantime and rebooted the original business, Missfit Creations. My excitement has begun building again when I sit in front of the sewing machine and I've started imagining designs in my sleep, on the street, out shopping and on the yoga mat. Pop fashion has always been my first love and I'm about to introduce it to my new fitness regime, after all, that lycra needs to be taken off the shelf!

On the Bench

Last week I ran the perfect 10 miles and felt fantastic, this weekend was to be the next step up to 12 miles and I was really looking forward to it. The weather was great on Saturday morning, the sun was shining and the temperature wasn't bad at around 7 degrees so good running conditions.
I'd done my first summer route run with the club on Thursday which took us off road down the canal and along some fields, not as easy as I'd thought. I found I had to concentrate far harder on where I put my feet not to mention staying upright as the canal was quite muddy so very slippy in parts.
I'm not sure whether it was the terrain or if I just wasn't feeling the best but my times on Thursday weren't great and I struggled to keep up with the front runners so had to drop back.
When Saturday came I was determined to go for the 12 miles but still wasn't feeling 100%. I set off fine but by mile 3 I was struggling to maintain a good pace and could tell I was dropping back, mile 4 was no better and by mile 5 I was ready to give up. This is most unusual and something I've not had to do on any run in over a year, I feel stopping is cheating, I just can't do it. For this reason I decided to push on to complete 10k and see how I felt then. At least I'd know I'd achieved a good distance - even if it was only half way.
By the time I'd made the 10k I was completely done in, there was no way I could've gone on to finish 12 miles. I walked and found a bench in the sun to sit for a while and figure out what went wrong but I really don't know.
Last week I'd been on fire, I even felt as though I held back in case I ran out of energy in the last miles. Moreover I loved every minute. This week nothing worked, my legs felt like lead, I was breathing far heavier than usual and I couldn't even focus on my mindful yoga, it was hopeless.
Maybe I've just pushed myself too hard and my body was telling me I needed a rest, I've been running further and further lately so it wouldn't be surprising. What did surprise me was how bad I felt about not completing the distance I'd set out to do, as if I'd let myself down.
For this reason I'm going to take a few days off to relax and recharge so I can hopefully get back on track next week.

Yoga On The Run

Last weekend I managed a 10 mile run for the first time and as I wrote in my last post, it felt great. When I run it feels like a kind of meditation, I'm able to switch off from day to day trivia that's running around my head and my focus switches.
I find I concentrate on breathing, where I place my feet, on my stride, the surroundings, sounds, I suppose it's a form of mindfulness.
Since I've increased my distance though I've found my mind drifting, especially coming towards the end of a run when I'm tiring. For this reason I decided on my last run I would do a full yoga class, in my head.
Shortly after I set off and once I was settled into my pace I began in easy pose. From there I took it to Salute to the Sun and progressed through Warrior and on through my Hatha class until I was back down on the mat for meditation. The weekly Hatha session I attend at Midlands Yoga lasts for approximately one hour and my 'mindful Hatha class' was almost exactly the same.
The run took one and a half hours throughout which I took myself away to my yoga class, it was perfect. I'm just going to have to add a few more poses ready for the half marathon.

The Perfect 10

I did it, today I ran for 10 miles without stopping for the first time and I managed to keep my average pace just under 9 minutes per mile - 8.58 to be precise, completed in 1 hour 30 minutes.
The first 4 miles I was averaging around 8.40 per mile and dropped it back just in case I was pushing a bit too hard for the distance. To be honest though, I could have run on, I felt really good.
I've run the course before albeit in two lots of 5 miles so knew the route well, what surprised me was how strong I felt. Even when I've done the shorter routes there have been times where I've flagged but today I enjoyed every minute.
The only notable difference was the weather, it rained throughout. Not torrential rain but it was steady for the whole of the run and suited me perfectly. I'm very prone to overheating no  matter what I wear I get so hot after a couple of miles and I know  this can slow my pace. The rain was fantastic and kept me cool and I'm sure this was a huge benefit to my run time.
I don't know whether my heating up is down to age, having one kidney or simply a common runners problem but it's one that definitely affects how I run. Because I'm in the 'Mono Kidney Club' I always have plenty of water but there's only so many layers you can take off on a road run.
When I get around to entering some races this year I'll be praying for a downpour on race day that's for sure.

Design Priorities

I have a stack of new design ideas, bits of patterns and samples of fabrics piling up but my sewing machines have been otherwise engaged for a while. Next month my eldest daughter gets married and I had the rather important job of designing and making the dress. Today it's back on my tailors dummy waiting to be tried on for hopefully what will be the final fitting.
It's been difficult to fit in any other design work around the wedding dress but now it's almost time to clear the decks and get stuck in and I can't wait.
Already I have a selection of leggings designs in varying styles, lengths and fabrics together with both shorts and skorts now the sun's come out. Work is beginning on some yoga tops and I'll also be adding to my range of accessories with bandanas, bags and belts. Super excited to be working with Midlands Yoga to create yoga leggings and harem pants for the class too.
I'll be keeping the blog posted with plenty of show and tell's as designs start taking shape and heading to the website.

Taking the Pace

One of this years running goals is to run a half marathon so I've gradually started increasing my miles. Until this week I'd managed 7.5 miles with the running club but wasn't happy with the times. When I take part in my first half marathon my aim is to complete in under 2 hours so I targeted a pace of 9 minutes per mile.

Pace is something I'm learning more about as having run relatively short distances for 12 months my focus had been just to get faster. To date my fastest mile has been 7.51 which I'm ecstatic about however, there's no way I'd maintain a pace like that over 13 miles! 

When I run alone my average pace is 8.20 per mile but when I run with the club it drops to 9.30 per mile, I think that's because there are more stops and pauses en route. Either way its becoming more difficult to work out how to pace myself for a half marathon.

That's why this weekend I set a goal to achieve 9 miles, my furthest run yet at a pace of 9 minutes per mile, somewhere in between my club and solo runs - should be achievable?

The course I chose is a regular 10K for me, normally 2 laps so I'd just have to add a third to get to 9 miles. It's at Sutton Park in Birmingham so includes some pretty steep hills which would test my pacing, it's the third lap though that would put my stamina to the test.

Thankfully I had no problems with getting past 7 miles, in fact my 8th mile was my fastest! The splits came out as follows:

Mile 1 - 8.50

Mile 2 - 8.34

Mile 3  -9.07

Mile 4 - 9.11

Mile 5 - 8.58

Mile 6 - 9.23

Mile 7 - 9.24

Mile 8 - 8.20

Mile 9 - 9.04

The best for me was my average pace which was 8.59 just what I'd set out to achieve. 

This has given me some real confidence to move up to half marathon mileage at a pace that'll see me finish in under 2 hours.

It's All in the Name

I've decided to change this blogs name so that it fit's with my business and domain titles.
When I decided to return to business I spent ages trying to come up with a new company name as the previous one Missfit Creations held other associations. However, all my deliberating was for nothing as I realised that Missfit still said more about my new business than I'd realised.
Originally, Missfit was alternative, fun and funky clothing with recycled and vintage thrown in to the mix. It was about one off designs, catwalks and photoshoots as well as fashion shows and exhibitions.

After my illness I'd wanted out of that business and having set out on a new healthier, fitter lifestyle myself it seemed appropriate to filter this into a new business.
The other major reason I needed to keep my old identity was the logo, I still loved it and it was a part of where I'd been, why not where I was going. Thanks to Justin Price who designed the logo along with countless other imagery for my original website including the above pic, I was able to keep Missfit and simply drop off Creations.

Missfit says it all, it's a niche business a little on the edge and in it's new guise of course it has a fitness connotation. The logo fit's beautifully with the business, it always had and the safety pin running through the font gives a nod to the punk ethos I started with as well as a reference to sewing.
It therefore seems only right that the blog attached to my website should reflect the identity of the business. I already own the domain www.missfitbydesign.com and so the switch makes perfect sense.